Thursday, September 27, 2012
Sometimes
Sometimes I get so excited about writing or writing reading homework that I can't calm myself down enough to actually do it.
I fear this site
I guess I have to use it more to familiarize myself with it. I am always afraid I will delete everything I wrote or commit some other heinous crime.
I fell down today. (Again .. and it had been so long in between spills). I was walking down the sidewalk and missed a raised bit of concrete. I skidded along the sidewalk (just take a look at my right knee and my chin!) and came to rest all the way to the place my keys had flown.
Two maids in a car saw me. Offered no help. Maybe they were too busy laughing.
Came home and took 2 oxycodine. Saved them for a good reason.
I fell down today. (Again .. and it had been so long in between spills). I was walking down the sidewalk and missed a raised bit of concrete. I skidded along the sidewalk (just take a look at my right knee and my chin!) and came to rest all the way to the place my keys had flown.
Two maids in a car saw me. Offered no help. Maybe they were too busy laughing.
Came home and took 2 oxycodine. Saved them for a good reason.
hate
just erased entire entry after wrote was afraid I would hit something wrong and that would happen. Hate this blogging shit.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Restless
Went to a Chronic Conditions workshop (to be held weekly) yesterday at the Catholic church up the street -- so close I can walk!
Not sure if I am going to go back. The people were nice enough but seem a lot older than me.
Plus, every week we are supposed to form an action plan for the rest of the week. Some people wrote "Walk three minutes" or "Perform shoulder exercises," while mine is "Go to gym 4-5 times: 30 mins bike, 30 mins upper/lower body machines (One day upper, the next day lower, etc), plank and 20 minutes stretching."
You are supposed to rate your confidence level of you achieving this goal from 1-10; only 7-10's are allowed.
I rated mine "10" and the leader seemed surprised. "You think you can do that?"
"I know I can."
After the meeting, a woman named Kathleen approached me and warned me, "Be careful of those machines. I tore up my knee on the leg extension. Those machines are bad news and the trainers just put you on a machine and guess a weight and off you go!"
Well, my trainer (whom I met with today!!) did not just cookie cutter my routine. She took care to make sure the weights were challenging yet doable. She watched my form and gave me some helpful tips.
I just feel my frame of mind is so different from these people. PLUS you are supposed to have a buddy you call once a week. I got the chattiest of the group and that worries me because I have no boundaries on the phone!!
Gonna have to set a time with her (10 minutes) and be firm on it.
I feel bad .. like I am letting down the group leader.
I did learn something helpful -- that we all feel isolated! CFS and FMS are "live in your bed" illnesses so I never really get to meet that many people; let alone a romantic interest.
I slept away my 30's, my 40's and now am afraid I will do the same to my 50's.
Last night the most horrible thing happened. Bed has always been my respite. I lie down, relax and go to sleep. I did a sleep study test in 2005 and all they came up with was it takes me longer than the average bear to fall asleep.
I was going to see if there was anything they could do about me not waking up ... sleeping entire weekends away (true! I would get home on a Friday night, go to bed around 10 and not wake up until Sunday evening -- not even to go to the bathroom. My body just shuts down).
What happened last night now has me afraid to go to bed tonight.
I have, what I can only guess is, restless leg syndrome. At night, as I would watch TV or cuddle with the cats (beginning to relax). The muscles in my legs would have to be moved!! I would have to stretch or tighten and release.
The muscles aren't twitching or tightening on their own, they are "relaxed" but something inside them makes them uncomfortable and I have to continually move them.
It had only happened to my legs. Then , a few times, it started happening to my arms!
I can't get comfortable (understatement)
But the saving grace was whenever I would lie completely down in bed -- not watching TV or anything -- the urge would stop. Whew.
Well, last night, my legs were a little restless while I was trying to play solitaire on my droid so I turned the phone off, turned on to my side and got ready to cuddle up and sleep.
The muscles in my legs started needing to be stretched (when I try not to move them the urge just gets worse) and then my arms started to chime in, too.
I was lying down -- the only way I used to be able to get it to stop -- and it wasn't helping. AND it wasn't just my legs .. my arms were engaged in this dance as well.
I stretched and tensed and tossed and turned. I finally fell asleep but I am not sure when or how.
I wish I could find out what this is. I would gladly do whatever is needed to stop this crazy
neurological trick. Give me meds! Please .. please.
Not sure if I am going to go back. The people were nice enough but seem a lot older than me.
Plus, every week we are supposed to form an action plan for the rest of the week. Some people wrote "Walk three minutes" or "Perform shoulder exercises," while mine is "Go to gym 4-5 times: 30 mins bike, 30 mins upper/lower body machines (One day upper, the next day lower, etc), plank and 20 minutes stretching."
You are supposed to rate your confidence level of you achieving this goal from 1-10; only 7-10's are allowed.
I rated mine "10" and the leader seemed surprised. "You think you can do that?"
"I know I can."
After the meeting, a woman named Kathleen approached me and warned me, "Be careful of those machines. I tore up my knee on the leg extension. Those machines are bad news and the trainers just put you on a machine and guess a weight and off you go!"
Well, my trainer (whom I met with today!!) did not just cookie cutter my routine. She took care to make sure the weights were challenging yet doable. She watched my form and gave me some helpful tips.
I just feel my frame of mind is so different from these people. PLUS you are supposed to have a buddy you call once a week. I got the chattiest of the group and that worries me because I have no boundaries on the phone!!
Gonna have to set a time with her (10 minutes) and be firm on it.
I feel bad .. like I am letting down the group leader.
I did learn something helpful -- that we all feel isolated! CFS and FMS are "live in your bed" illnesses so I never really get to meet that many people; let alone a romantic interest.
I slept away my 30's, my 40's and now am afraid I will do the same to my 50's.
Last night the most horrible thing happened. Bed has always been my respite. I lie down, relax and go to sleep. I did a sleep study test in 2005 and all they came up with was it takes me longer than the average bear to fall asleep.
I was going to see if there was anything they could do about me not waking up ... sleeping entire weekends away (true! I would get home on a Friday night, go to bed around 10 and not wake up until Sunday evening -- not even to go to the bathroom. My body just shuts down).
What happened last night now has me afraid to go to bed tonight.
I have, what I can only guess is, restless leg syndrome. At night, as I would watch TV or cuddle with the cats (beginning to relax). The muscles in my legs would have to be moved!! I would have to stretch or tighten and release.
The muscles aren't twitching or tightening on their own, they are "relaxed" but something inside them makes them uncomfortable and I have to continually move them.
It had only happened to my legs. Then , a few times, it started happening to my arms!
I can't get comfortable (understatement)
But the saving grace was whenever I would lie completely down in bed -- not watching TV or anything -- the urge would stop. Whew.
Well, last night, my legs were a little restless while I was trying to play solitaire on my droid so I turned the phone off, turned on to my side and got ready to cuddle up and sleep.
The muscles in my legs started needing to be stretched (when I try not to move them the urge just gets worse) and then my arms started to chime in, too.
I was lying down -- the only way I used to be able to get it to stop -- and it wasn't helping. AND it wasn't just my legs .. my arms were engaged in this dance as well.
I stretched and tensed and tossed and turned. I finally fell asleep but I am not sure when or how.
I wish I could find out what this is. I would gladly do whatever is needed to stop this crazy
neurological trick. Give me meds! Please .. please.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Long Time No See
So ... I got these contacts. My first contacts EVER!
I just don't know .. is my left eye supposed to be this blurry? Some friends have said that I just need to get used to them but I have been putting them in (and tearing them out) for the past two weeks. No change!!
Guess I better call my optometrist (can't see if I spelled that correctly .. all the letter blend together).
Seeing a trainer tomorrow at the gym. Very excited.. I have my own routine but am willing to add more spice to it.
I CAN'T SEE THIS!!!
The reason I am resurrecting my blog is because I started a MEMOIR WRITING class yesterday. Very cool. Jennifer, the instructor, asked if anyone had a blog. I raised my hand, quietly ashamed I have not been doing anything with it since May!
Wait .. I'm gonna take these damned things out.
***
Ahhhh ... that's better.
I really need to call that optometrist tomorrow.
Jennifer (instructor) is writing a book via blog. I just want to get back in the habit of writing pretty much daily. Working on GENERAL RELIEF. Thought of another book I want to write -- dealing directly with my disabilities: chronic fatigue, fibromyagia and chronic depression. If I could keep some sort of log going, maybe I could inevitably help others.
Got a little (very little) writing done on GENERAL RELIEF today (which is more than I did in 2010 and 2011!!!). Studying Bernard Cooper's TRUTH SYRUM chapter on a restaurant he and his parents would go to. On Hollywood Blvd. I wonder if it has been torn down? I know nothing of Burl's.
Taking apart his experience line by line. Need to turn my MOTHER'S DAY 2009 into something close.
I need to set the scene. The scene is the restaurant Duke's in Hemet (where Mom used to live).
But, I do not think I start with the restaurant as the scene setter -- I start with Hemet! So I have been researching the history of Hemet.
Through my online travels I discovered the owner of Duke's, Maurice (he spells his name differently .. need to get up on that!), was arrested last December for sexual assault and kidnapping. I even have him in my story.
It was creepy to pull up his booking photo and say, "Yup! That's him."
Can't wait to tell my brother.
After yesterday's class I found myself so excited about writing that I couldn't write! Did a little reading and studying. Activities I am not that good at (activities at which I am not that good).
My first boyfriend, Rob (the-best-boyfriend-in-the-world), used to tease me about the sentences I would highlight in my text books. They had nothing to do with what I needed to know; they were not the meat of the subject. I never understood that. Of course, I had thought they meant something otherwise I never would have run my yellow highlighter over them.
So studying and reading are not my favorite things to do. I love research but that is a different thing. Running down facts and the magic that happens when you bring it all together is a joy.
I like to write.
I just don't know .. is my left eye supposed to be this blurry? Some friends have said that I just need to get used to them but I have been putting them in (and tearing them out) for the past two weeks. No change!!
Guess I better call my optometrist (can't see if I spelled that correctly .. all the letter blend together).
Seeing a trainer tomorrow at the gym. Very excited.. I have my own routine but am willing to add more spice to it.
I CAN'T SEE THIS!!!
The reason I am resurrecting my blog is because I started a MEMOIR WRITING class yesterday. Very cool. Jennifer, the instructor, asked if anyone had a blog. I raised my hand, quietly ashamed I have not been doing anything with it since May!
Wait .. I'm gonna take these damned things out.
***
Ahhhh ... that's better.
I really need to call that optometrist tomorrow.
Jennifer (instructor) is writing a book via blog. I just want to get back in the habit of writing pretty much daily. Working on GENERAL RELIEF. Thought of another book I want to write -- dealing directly with my disabilities: chronic fatigue, fibromyagia and chronic depression. If I could keep some sort of log going, maybe I could inevitably help others.
Got a little (very little) writing done on GENERAL RELIEF today (which is more than I did in 2010 and 2011!!!). Studying Bernard Cooper's TRUTH SYRUM chapter on a restaurant he and his parents would go to. On Hollywood Blvd. I wonder if it has been torn down? I know nothing of Burl's.
Taking apart his experience line by line. Need to turn my MOTHER'S DAY 2009 into something close.
I need to set the scene. The scene is the restaurant Duke's in Hemet (where Mom used to live).
But, I do not think I start with the restaurant as the scene setter -- I start with Hemet! So I have been researching the history of Hemet.
Through my online travels I discovered the owner of Duke's, Maurice (he spells his name differently .. need to get up on that!), was arrested last December for sexual assault and kidnapping. I even have him in my story.
It was creepy to pull up his booking photo and say, "Yup! That's him."
Can't wait to tell my brother.
After yesterday's class I found myself so excited about writing that I couldn't write! Did a little reading and studying. Activities I am not that good at (activities at which I am not that good).
My first boyfriend, Rob (the-best-boyfriend-in-the-world), used to tease me about the sentences I would highlight in my text books. They had nothing to do with what I needed to know; they were not the meat of the subject. I never understood that. Of course, I had thought they meant something otherwise I never would have run my yellow highlighter over them.
So studying and reading are not my favorite things to do. I love research but that is a different thing. Running down facts and the magic that happens when you bring it all together is a joy.
I like to write.
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